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Blog Takeover: Cherie Newland on Forgiveness

FORWARD
I’ve decided to bind and gag my inner control freak for well, today at least, by letting my good friend from America, Cherie Newland takeover the blog.

I’m already sweating at the prospect of people thinking I’ve lost my power. Well, maybe I just gained a new one.

Cherie NewlandI think I originally butted heads with Cherie while I was debating Change work interventions such Hypnosis, NLP, IEMT, Provocative Therapy et al, with an online community I ran for a good while on Facebook. I was impressed by her genuine depth and consideration on some of the topics we discussed on there, in spite of my brash, act-the-idiot online character.
I got to know this lady a little more and was seriously impressed by some of her observations and thoughts on some of the memes that were running through my mind at the time. Cherie is among other things, and NLP trainer.
But don’t let that put you off, she’s a real human being, not some ‘Grandler and Brinder’ 10 a penny acolyte.

I value her input. She won’t like me calling her wise I’m sure, but’ well, she just is.

And yes, clearly she’s more cleverererer than me. 🙁

Over to you Cherie, good luck, and if it goes bad, DENY EVERYTHING!

Cherie Newland, D.Min., NLP Trainer

The following is a blend of things I’ve read, summaries of lessons I learnt, and

the opinions I hold on the subject of Forgiveness. Many of the point taken here

were hard lessons learnt over a lifetime of healing my own perceived

woundedness and assisting clients in their healing process. It is my hope these

ideas will guide and serve the reader in the process of finding, then utilizing,

their power to forgive. At the onset, let me assure… you have what it takes to

forgive, heal and move on.

Qualities on the Path: Forgiveness

One of the most important precepts to forgiving is that it is both a process and

learning for soul development as humanitarian-maturity. Although words like

clemency, pardon, excusing, and absolving are found in a dictionary definition of

the word, coming from a spiritual angle, we cannot fully accept these as fulfilling

the value forgiveness offers us as a return to wholeness. Clemency, for example,

implies one person ‘lords over’ another by granting pardon, and even though our

laws allow for it, no one has the power to “lord over” his brother or sister, for, as

One in Spirit, each is the other.

This essay will address some points regarding forgiveness I feel are noteworthy.

It is written in three brief segments so we can question and assimilate the

premises presented in accordance to our own heart/soul guidance. Discussion is

welcomed. Here in the first segment are a few general points:

1.)

Forgiveness requires us to acknowledge that there is more to the person who

has hurt you than the behavior we labeled “the hurt” and that there is more to

you than being a victim.

2.)

Forgiveness is not about doing the ‘offender’ a favor; condoning the offensive

behavior, or forgetting the incident happened. It’s about moving forward, letting

go of the pain and getting on with your life.

3.)

Holding onto rejection, ridicule, humiliation, deception, disappointment,

prejudice, betrayal or any perceived offense creates excess emotional baggage.

We are held down, ‘hooked’ as it were, rendering our efforts and best intentions

to the bonds of bitterness, anger and vengefulness which cannot serve us or

bring happiness rather these push against our peace of mind, joy, gratitude and

love all of which help us to thrive and live fulfilling and meaningful lives.

4.)

Forgiveness isn’t an instant cure…it’s a journey back to your Self and it may

take you through rough roads, long trials and dark tunnels. It’s a matter of

completing unfinished business, your business, and putting the past in its’ proper

perspective and place; neither dwelling on it nor forgetting yet recognizing it is

over.

5.)

The most difficult part of forgiving is taking the first step… that is, getting

past the fear and skepticism you may feel at even considering the prospect of

actually forgiving someone. If we looked at this, in all honesty, we are likely to

discover we fear losing the hurt, our identity to it, essentially, we fear that by

forgiving we will lose something of our Self.

6.)

We, each and every one of us, have an inherent wisdom and the inner

resources to heal those emotional wounds and create the life we were meant to

live. Yes, I said ‘meant’. Destiny has a choice, and so do you, because you and

your destiny are one and the same. The act of forgiving a perceived offense

facilitates stepping back into our purposed life.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” –

Mahatma Gandhi

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed

it. ”
Mark Twain

“The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an

adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives

himself, he becomes wise.”
Alden Nowlan

Forgiveness

More thoughts on Forgiveness:

Carlos Castaneda’s teacher tells him “self-importance is man’s greatest enemy.

What weakens him is feelings offended by the deeds and misdeeds of his fellow

man. Self-importance requires one spend most of one’s life offended by

something or someone.”

Although it is important to have a strong self-concept and knowledge that each

person, including one’s self, is unique, problems do arise when we misidentify

who we and others truly are. By misidentifying, we are giving into the idea that

people are their behavior therefore change is impossible. In truth people

generate their behavior. Additionally, a sense of self-importance and superiority

is given center-stage. If we allow our achievements, possessions and the like to

lead us into believing we are special, we will soon see ourselves as better-than or

less-than others hence we wound ourselves through beliefs and behaviors that

drain our ability to flourish. Specialness renders us incapable of any thought,

interaction and activity that doesn’t have the Self as its focal point. If we sustain

this illusion, separateness prevails breeding a need to compete rather than

cooperate with others and a fruitful life requires collaboration. For the sake of

specialness, Oneness is lost, understanding is surrendered to an offense driven

consciousness and we are left feeling alone in our efforts.

To forgive is to lay the illusion aside, return to sanity and align with the Divine

within. It is your ego that gets offended, not the Spirit/Energy within. I invite you

to think about this… Has not every offense you have perceived actually been an

attack on your sense of specialness; of self-importance?

So how do we forgive?… by releasing the ego’s hold on our self-concept. Here

are a few suggestions:

1.)

Stop being offended. Others behaviors need not immobilize you. This is the

ego’s way to convince you the world shouldn’t be as it is; that you and what is

happening are somehow one and the same thing… indistinguishable from one

another. Really? You are a person capable of generating a myriad of beliefs,

behaviors and resourceful meanings. You are not an event, a thing or what

happened to you, as a matter of fact, it is an inaccuracy to say person is their

behavior since behaviors are *response-patterns* generated from thoughts.

2.)

Let go of the need to win. What better way to create separateness than to

divide people into winners & losers. Let go of your need to be right or superior.

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do the best we can, indeed, the holy nature of

our true self demands we reach our full potential according to our desire to do

so… that is, according to your free-will to do so. What you or others choose to

do is not to be set-in contrast for the purpose of deciding a winner. The

Spirit/Energy that dwells within you is loving, kind, receptive and compassionate.

It is free of anger, resentment or bitterness. Choose to travel the high road.

3.)

Release your need to have more, be more, do more. We live in an abundant

universe. There is always more… more to explore, more to experience, more to

learn and more to create and yet more… You are here to bless this world in your

own unique way so why not emulate the Spirit/Energy that lives within you.

Create then let go. Spirit doesn’t hold on, it moves on. Everything emanates from

The Source and Process of Creation (God/Spirit/Energy/Light etc). You and this

Source are One. You are not your achievements; achievements are The Source

working through you… be grateful for your natural and developing abilities, for

your accomplishments which by the way, are the blessings and contributions you

were uniquely designed to bring forth into this world, for your possessions, and

above all, give credit to the Power/Spirit/Energy which is greater than you yet

lives within you, the Power/Spirit that willed you into existence, The

Power/Spirit/Energy of which you are a materialized version. And lastly…Let go

of your reputation and hold on to your integrity. Your reputation lives in the mind

of others and you cannot control the thoughts of others while your integrity is

the foundation of your character; it is of your making. Stay true to your integrity

and you will stay connected to your Higher Self. The ego builds reputations to

impress others and gets ‘peeved’ (offended) when others don’t pay homage to

its creation. Integrity is expressed and maintained through Spirit; it cannot be

offended, it can only act in ways true to itself.

 

Some Final Thoughts on Forgiveness:

Reluctance to forgive is supported by the ego’s perspective which equates

forgiveness with giving-up; giving-in; wimping-out and admitting defeat. For the

ego, to forgive would be opening Pandora’s Box… unleashing a myriad of evils

waiting to descend upon us; the ego gives us images of ‘being used’, ‘taken

advantage of’, ‘ripped-off’, ‘emotionally abused’… the ego has no problem

creating these images and self-talk, it will even go to the extreme of name

calling, calling us “stupid, idiot, sucker,” for just considering forgiving another.

The ego fears forgiveness, it has to defend its self-image (illusionary as it is); it

cannot risk being plunged into an emotional abyss or vulnerability, at least that

what’s it imagines will happen. So what are the payoffs the ego gets by keeping

forgiveness at bay?

1.)
The offense becomes the cause for not having a “perfect” life. Blame can

flourish while self-initiated direction suffocates a slow victimized death.

2.)

Not forgiving helps our ego (and ultimately our perception of our-self) define

us as the ‘good-one’. It can revel in black verses white, right verses wrong

thinking with no shades of grey and no varied range of possibilities.

3.)

Not forgiving allows the ego to be ‘powerful’; after all, only you can decide to

forgive, only you can make you do it. Actually, the ego is powerless; it knows

this and works very hard at keeping that a secret from us because without that

illusion we might come to know our true self, our holiness and wholeness.

“Trust is a fragile thing. Easy to break, easy to lose and one of the hardest things
to ever get back.” Billy Cox Motivation

4.) It is not unusual for people to attach the idea that *trust* has been broken

when they feel wounded. For some it will become the reason to not forgive, for

others it will be a reminder of the fragile nature of relationships, a few will let it

lead them to forgiveness.

5.) Perhaps most importantly, by keeping the pain, hurt and offense alive, we

can keep our shields up, never to be hurt again, keep others at a distance and to

the ego this means we can’t let Infinite Love in. The ego gets to hold us hostage

mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually… keeping the hurt alive assures

the ego we will never discover our Higher Self, our blessedness. The ego gets to

be the one and only perception we hold of our self.

Einstein once said the most important question you’ll ever ask yourself is “Is this

universe a benevolent place… Is the universe ordered?” How we answer this

question will set our destiny.

“Destiny has a choice and so do you because you and destiny are one and the
same.”
“The fire of sorrow and pain becomes the light of compassion to forge a soul

tried and true.” Cherie Newland

In summary, the turning point for me was when I realized I don’t know,

neither can I really know, everything about a person but I can believe that at

some level everything must balance. My experiences have taught me since

I’m not the one consulted to decide how that balance will be achieved (often

not even with my own life), I accept the only thing I can do is move in what I

understand to be the best direction… one in which *win/win* scenarios are

created, no harm done, changes supported and others acknowledged. At the

end of the day I want to have lived with my Self and not through my ego.

Admittedly, it can be a struggle… but only if I let my ego fool me into

righteousness instead of rightness. The hardest part is admitting then facing

when the ego has the lead. Without this awareness, there is no choice. We

can only *give* (for-give) what we own; forgiving empowers us with

ownership. Once you own *forgiveness* you will find its’ supply is never

ending… because, it’s energy is Love, once hidden now revealed, and you

never even knew was there.