In tonight’s Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class, Professor Walder ran through a set of moves starting from a standing position, where both opponents are on equal footing then followed by a throw,  a mount then finally a submission.

A lot of emphasis was placed on securing and establishing your position when in mount. so often we try to immediately scramble to leverage something, anything to make further progress. What happens when you relax into the position you’re in, and while keeping your eyes on the ball, establish your position. Seems to be a fairly western mind set to rush rush rush not paying good attention of where we are *right now*.

When you do make some progress, do you stop to enjoy it? Is that even appropriate by your standards?

I don’t know what the answer is -  I know what my answer is – and I know that moving forward I’m challenging my own set patterns.
Maybe we move on to progress further -  fuelled by our small successes to greater heights.
Maybe we stop and bask in the glory of said progress. How often do we actually look to shore up or secure our hard earned win. Putting in place something that will help maintain that progress.
The drawback it would appear is that this slows down our momentum. Getting the ’spinning top’ mentality – “keep doing what you’re doing and for gawd’s sake don’t stop, else we have to start again!”

Well, if we secure our position, consolidate it for a while, we won’t have to worry about that happening do we?

After all moving forward is good.

Moving forward to fast will leave you off balanced.

When that happens you’re less grounded. If you’re not very well grounded, how are you connected to the rest of us, and of that’s true how easy is it for you to fall down?

Taking your time is the new black.

Lighten up just a *tiny* bit and have fun.

Hi Guys,

it’s a V-Log type thing this time. I seem to be moving in many directions at once -  a pleasurable thing, but leaving little time for me to catch my breath, hence the Video. Talkign about Pretending in order to get great results or Pre-Tending  As I call it! Watch the clip, and any questions -  just message me. Njoi!

How the bad times can be useful: a personal development pitfall.

I had a crisis this week. Something that I hadn’t foreseen happened, and it was something that could have had a pretty dramatic effect in my life. And it was all my fault. I’d been having a great and busy week working with my Fighter’s Mind™ Coaching – new site up here: http://fightersmind/co.uk
Anyway, when it disaster struck (I’ll spare the gory details, but it was B.A.D.)My response was very strong. It was a feeling inside my body discomfort, to the point of nausea!
NLP has lots of tools to help deal with bad feelings you have, there’s one particular technique “Spin the Feeling” that would almost certainly have helped with this strong feeling I was having.

So before I hear you shout “Physician heal thyself!” I’ll tell you now, I did no such technique to allay these strong feelings of discomfort. Instead, I took massive action to rectify the crisis as best I could. I was in a severely altered state for 3 hours while I did this, and at all times I had those underlying dodgy feelings present, reminding me of what hell awaited me should I fail to act accordingly!

So why didn’t I do anything? Well, although the experience was highly unpleasant, it lead to me getting the job done. I’m also pretty sure that had I not had the that strong negative feeling (acting as a reminder of the world of sh*t that potentially awaited me) that I would not have acted with such a compulsion, focus and determination to make good the situation.
The end result was that I actually managed to right all the wrongs I  had been responsible for, and better than that discovered new *useful* things in the process. Thanks to the bad feelings (?)

There are also some self help heroes that preach “feel good for no reason at all”. I think this is bullshit. In my opinion this has the potential to dilute the positive meaning that we take from a good experience. If you had Champagne every day, how would you celebrate a special occasion?
Provocative Therapy, IEMT, NLP & Hypnosis are wonderfully powerful techniques for change, and I use them to help my clients to feel better for good reason, not ‘no reason‘. But maybe I’m just old fashioned…

Workshop news
A big thank you to everyone who made it on the recent Introduction to Provocative Therapy & Changeworks weekend workshop with the mighty Nick Kemp.
Judging on the verbal and written feedback, it was enjoyed by all. There was a great mix of people types there, including Hypnotherapists, Doctors, Psychotherapists, Coaches, CEO, Consultants, Analysts and even a couple of ‘normal humans’ (whatever that means).
The good news is that following the success of the recent Provocative Therapy training with Nick Kemp I’m canvassing to explore running a further event in London. There are a number of options and would love some feedback on your interest. The first event was of course an introduction and Nick covered some (but not all) of the Provocative Icons. A future event would include covering all remaining icons, depending on the duration of the seminar
Please feedback on your interest for any of the following

1. An evening and day event (as previously, Fri and Sat)
2. A Fri evening and weekend event
3. A Fri, Sat and Sunday event with an evening slot on the Saturday, concluding around 4pm Sunday

Drop me an email to let me know!
In order to make this as affordable as possible each day would be priced pro rata at £99, which of course is exceptional value as there are few Farrelly approved PT trainers running courses anywhere, let alone in London!
Subject to sufficient interest this would most likely be scheduled in the second half of 2010 due to Nick’s USA and European training commitments. Remember also that the voucher you hold (if you came to the Intro event) for obtaining your £100 to see Frank Farrelly in May from the last event expires on March 10th. At the age of 78 this may be the last appearance for Frank in the UK. And there’s even hope for those of you who didn’t go to the PT intro workshop too! I’ve managed to negotiate a £50 discount off the cost of the upcoming training with The Creator of Provocative Therapy – Frank Farrelly! The workshop is taking place in on:

Sat May 22nd – Sun 23rd 2010 at: Queens Hotel, Leeds, Yorkshire
Go here to book now:
Please note: To receive the £50 discount you’ll need to send an email to info@nickkemp.com or Call 01274 622994 with the code ‘AlanW’.
I understand from Nick that this may be one of the last chances you’ll get to see Frank in the UK, so because of that it makes sense to book now before it’s too late. I am definitely going, so you’ll be able to hang out with me there too. No laughing at the back there!

A first for London: Spiral Somatics ™ Workshop planned 4th, 5th 6th June
Whatever people say, we all want more success in one aspect of our lives or another. More success in our Therapy or Coaching practice, our business and our relationships. Rapport these days, thanks to a flood of well intentioned NLP derived literature and has to some extent been diluted down to merely “when they move, you move” and “feed back the same words as them”.
Maybe it’s me, but when I’ve tried to apply such a simplistic approach I’workshop andd results. And I am way too pragmatic to enjoy mixed results. “The Map is not the territory.” No shit, Korzybski!
Can you think of a time when your matching and mirroring (and other rapport fundamentals) just ‘didn’t work’? I know I have. Even though I was running everything ‘by the book’. I can remember frequently crossing and uncrossing my legs in sync with my communication partner like some mimic that needed the loo. It was a disaster.
When you need to get deep rapport with people (be they clients or otherwise) we’re told to “meet them at their model of the world”. The thing is, if you think about what you do – what most people do is actually acknowledge their model of the world, try to understand it and offer validation from the outside. What we really need is to be able to get rapport starting from the ‘inside out’. To read more click here for a full list of benefits and the story behind ‘Spiral’:

When you read it and decide it’s something you’ll want to take forward, drop me an email or call me on 07903 713234.

That’s all for now guys!

Al

I like transparency. I recently got asked by an up and coming hypnotherapy directory website to write an article on their site to promote them, and in turn they’d feature me in their list. Not a bad trade in my opinion. I like to do skill swaps and reciprocal information exchanges sometimes.

Whatever that means.

OK, so here’s my blatant ‘pimpage’ of http://www.hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk

Firstly the site has a nice clinical feel to it, important to a lot of people, that I’m a healthcare professional
look. I think these guys do it admirably. I think that the actual search box doesn’t need such a massive background image:

http://www.hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk/includes/hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk/images/home-search-box.jpg

And it also should be the FIRST thing a visitor sees -  but that’s just my opinion.
That said, I like the way the search box gives the idea that you can search by pretty much any way – postcode, town or by the type of issue you have: fear of flying for example. That’s pretty cool.

I did a search on my postcode (checking out the competition of course) and the results were in a nice format -  you see a thumbnail of the Hypnotherapist’s face and  a title of the person, with the usual Dyp. Hyp. Stuff after most of their names, and a short 2-3 sentence intro about the person or their work. Clicking this will take you to their profile page, which looks a lot like a one page summary of the Hypnotherapist’s website itself. Nicely done, as a lot of us ‘Hypnos’ can get a little carried away with jargon and new age crap (pictures of butterflys, streams and attractive catalogue models punching the air in victory) -  And I should know, I have done all that stuff!

So anyway- yes – the results screen gives a nice list and it’s super easy to navigate as well.

The ‘Hypnos’ all seem to have a seal of verification:

http://www.hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk/includes/hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk/images/logo.jpg

That indicated that some level of checking has been done to ensure the Hypno isn’t a charlatan and is qualified to the level they do say they are. It’s a nice touch that some members of the  public might find comfort in, though I’m not sure how much digging resources the directory can do, considering it’s heavyweight list of members, but it does show a concern of care – which is a noteworthy thing, in my opinion. I also like the way that the profiles page lists all the relevant info you’ll need to contact the hypnotherapist – i.e. relevant urls and contact details. Just as you’d expect to see.  It’s worth genning up on the legal speak -  on the footer at the bottom of the page, it’s well laid out and clearly states that the site isn’t responsible for anything that happens to a  hypno client during therapy. While 99% of the time nothing like this happens, it’s good they’re covering themselves!

Information and advice button yields  a shedload of great articles that have been submitted by members, as well as  a summarizing page on all of the conditions it lists, viewable by clicking a link on the front page and linked to within the other text within the website, – good stuff.

All in all it’s a worthwhile site for people to visit to find someone in their area who, like me, can help them get the changes you want and fast!

Still, really, you just need to visit my site over at http://westessexhypnotherapy.co.uk !

Anyway. Go use http://www.hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk with my blessing, just wait a little while until I get my damn listing on there, ok?

After all, I promise:

No wind chimes

No whale music

No talking about your mother (unless the issue is about your mother).

I do promise results, as long as you follow the instructions and put in the required effort to do so.

That said, it’s easier than you think, and it means you own the changes, not me!

Have fun

Alan!

Hi everyone and Happy Christmas,

I hope this letter finds you all well, larders stocked, and preparing for appropriate amounts of indulgence for this festive season.

This is my first newsletter, so let me start by welcoming all and any feedback on the content, structure or anything else that comes to mind. I’m all about continual adaptation!

So, right about now, I’m looking back on the year that was (ok, and still is) 2009. And I’m pretty pleased, it being my first year of being in full time private practice. I am, of course deliberately choosing to focus primarily on what was good, useful, a learning experience or a source of happiness for me. That said, I’m not about to completely ignore the ‘bad’ stuff. It’s just too much of an opportunity to grow/learn, and I’m way too much of a knowledge hoarder for let those precious learnings slip away unheeded, and knowing NLP and suchlike allows me to depotentiate things that might have otherwise been uncomfortable. Which is nice.

So yes, it’s been a massive year for personal growth for me, has it also for you? What’s new and good about this year’s happenings & experiences that stick out in your mind? What things did you make progress on, or need to continue to do so in 2010? These are all useful (if fairly ‘stock-in-trade’) questions for reflection & goal setting type spiel, so let’s shake it up a bit now!

One of the things I get silently frowned at for doing (mainly from a couple of NLP fanatics) is the fact that I like to extol the virtues of, (when working towards a goal/outcome), the ethos of simply ‘getting stuck in’, working your butt off and not forgetting to quit whining that it’s hard (if you don’t want it, don’t do it!).

Not an elegant strategy, I’ll grant you, but it’s personally got me great results, and, from talking to other people who’ve been successful (both athletes and business owners) they’ve found this a useful approach too. So while not very ‘new agey’, it can get results. I’m all about results. I remember my jaw literally dropping when I heard a particular profundity from the lips of John Grinder – NLP Co-Founder. John was talking about the art and science of making mistakes. This was on an occasion I’d been selected as a model (being a former Champion Thai-Boxer) to be studied in an NLP modeling seminar.

“Success can be problematic” was the thrust of this part of the lecture. The idea that once you’ve learnt something can perform something successfully; the most dangerous thing for your own personal evolution is to keep doing it the same way.

Now, I admit this rubs up against my “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it” flavour of pragmatism – but there is real wisdom in what he said. By doing something you know a new different way, you learn. If it isn’t as successful – that new way, then you learn another way not to do something, and ultimately you’ll find new ways to do the elected behaviour / thing / whatever. I reckon this is a darned useful approach for life, as it’s better to have multiple ways to achieve the same outcome than just one.

So, in 2010 I will be consciously going out of my way to drop the ball a whole lot more than I allow myself to do currently. I promise to do so in ways that will not harm others or myself, because I’m a nice guy.  And what would happen if you tried on this approach?

After all- as Mark Twain said: “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you always got”

Another virtue (if it is one) that I’m a fan of is Persistence and being able to look at what you’re doing/where you are in any given moment, and be able to decide to continue or to do something else.

I recall a few years ago where persistence paid off. I’d been training in Thai Boxing only a short while. I was young and cocky, as previously to the Thai Boxing, I’d trained in and competed at international level for Karate. Anyway, I got introduced to my new sparring partner, who I’ll call ‘D’, who was around 22 stone of muscle, skill and attitude. I went through months of regular beatings, as he had some 4 stone weight advantage on me, not to mention skill and speed that belied his hulking frame. And it’s no coincidence perhaps that at my lowest ebb, a man in his twenties, went home and cried with frustration and physical pain in the arms of my Mum. But I still turned up to the gym as usual for my hiding the following week.
Fast forward by a few years, and ‘D’ had moved onto other pastures and I’d since become English heavyweight Thai-Boxing Champion. Well in walks ‘D’ who was genuinely pleased to hear about my fight record and successes (he actually was a really nice chap). Later on in the session and we get into the sparring. Only this time the roles are reversed, as while still bigger heavier and stronger than me, my conditioning was greater, my speed was greater, my skill levels surpassed his own. And I was the one controlling the frame, besting him. It wasn’t that I was born a better fighter – in fact the reverse was true, but I was the one who turned up week in week out. If you had asked me during my human punch bag phase, I’d have NEVER have thought it possible. As you find similar examples in your own life, connecting to them now, how soon will it be that you can feel that’s going to happen again next year? I’d love to hear from you!

Hypnotherapy, NLP & IEMT in 2010

It’s such an honour and a pleasure to be able to play a part in the transformation on people’s lives, and it’s important that clients recognise that it’s them that make the changes, I am just the facilitator of them. If you haven’t seen any of my work there’s an entire client session here – in six parts.

http://westessexhypnotherapy.co.uk/hypnosis-and-nlp-info.html

This client was wonderful enough to allow this footage to be released, in the hope it would educate and debunk what really goes on in a therapy session. The videos give a pretty good representation of what a normal session of mine is often like – a mixture of IEMT (Integral Eye Movement Therapy), NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Hypnosis, and Self Relations Psychotherapy. If you’re deciding that now’s the time to make changes in your life, call me now on 07903 713234 – or reply to this email now.

Events Planned for 2010

Alongside my ongoing therapeutic & coaching commitments, I’ll also be continuing to host in London notable trainers/ therapists who have got a skillset that I know to be EFFECTIVE in ‘real’ therapeutic and clinical conditions. Coming up we have Nick Kemp teaching Provocative Therapy on 26th & 27th Feb 2010 and then (back due to popular demand) is Andrew T. Austin teaching the IEMT Practitioner on the 3rd & 4th April 2010. For more about these events you should check them out here. I’m also in initial discussion with some other international trainers that have unsurpassed skills in their specific niche, and I’m really excited about getting those guys over here too. Nothing confirmed yet, but watch this space. And nearly all of the short courses I’ll host will not require prior formal therapeutic/coaching experience, so they’re great for personal development too.

There are some initial plans to roll out some small scale workshops for the Fighter’s Mind™ mental performance coaching for fighters and martial artists. The model is still being developed, so these workshops may yield unexpected results! More on them as the story unfolds.

Well, that’s about all from me for now, enjoy the festive season in whatever ways work for you, and be sure to get in touch in the New Year to arrange some coaching or therapeutic work . Alternatively, if you’d like to join us on the workshops drop me a line – but move fast, the February Provocative Therapy event is already 90% booked (when see what you’ll be getting you’ll know why everyone else booked months in advance!). Finally have a tremendous Christmas and New Year! And for goodness sake drink plenty of water!

As always, if you want to talk about any of this stuff, drop me a line on info@westessexhypnotherapy.co.uk or call me on 07903 713234.

Best of the best,

Alan

Hey gang.

So about this time of year, everyone’s looking to relax, to maybe eat and drink too much, to party too hard to just let go in some way or another.

I wonder what useful things you could do if you decide to enter into this place, if this is a place you’re planning to enter, that could be useful for you.

In most NLP material there seems to be an aversion to doing anything that will bring about discomfort or pain. This may well be a good thing! Often there’s enough discomfort and pain in life without learning practices that might amplify this ‘ouchy’ feelings. I like to think about pain and discomfort a little differently however. Maybe it’s got something to do with the decades of Martial Arts & Physical training (my stomach just looked at me and turned away in disgust) or maybe I’m just a black hearted brigand.

Either way, there’s a lot to be said for pain and discomfort, and here’s a controversial thought for you to try on..

We have stronger reference experiences in negative situations than we do in positive ones.

Now, I don’t know if this is true, but it feels true to me. Try it on for yourself: think of the best thing that ever happened to you and the worst thing that ever happened to you. To each of this use the amplitude scale (or on a scale of 1-10 for those of you that aren’t pomous, jargon loving berks). See which is the stronger of the two.
Was I right? I’d be interested to know.

Look, I’m not saying it’s a waste of time learning to feel good, hell no. Feeling good is one of my favourite things. But when it’s in the right context.

I take issue with this ‘feeling good for no reason at all’ syndrome. There’s nothing wrong with this now and again, but to do this too much – is to walk around like a grinning idiot, living in a cave and eating rocks. Bit of a Logic jump huh? True enough. This leads me to this ‘guesstimation’ and generalisation of people:

That mostly, people are ‘Away From’ in nature. What’s my evidencing criteria for this? Well nothing more than a bunch of unproven theories I’m afraid.

Imagine you have both hands out in ‘please sir can I have some more’ position.

Now imagine that in one hand there’s a red hot coal, and the other there is the most pleasurable thing you could possibly feel on your hand.

What would demand your attention first/more? If you’re like me, it’s te red hot coal.

“PAIN BAD!”  is what happens for me.

Besides, if I get rid of the pain I can then be soothed and distracted by the wonderful pleasure on the other hand.

OK so what the hell’s this got to do with Christmas???

Well, what would happen I wonder, if you thought about yourself with a hangover, what all senses (VAKOG) would *SCREAM*back to you? How long will it  affect you?  Hours, Days? How’d you feel after that? Ready to go again?

If you imagine yourself stuffing yourself to the point where you’re seriously uncomfortable, holding all that grub inside your tummy, what’s that like? So uncomfortable to move, just imagine how much gas that gut is going to have to pass, let alone the other stuff. I’m feeling uncomfortable just writing this stuff, maybe you’re feeling that too.

How much do you feel like tucking in, or knocking back loads of booze now?

If you still do, then contact me on 0208 133 1514. That’s a half joke.

By now you might be getting a little annoyed. I am too.

And I’m going to sign off just like that. with a bad taste in your mouth.

Bua haha.

Ensure you have a wonderful safe festive season all!

Al

The last post I made I blogged it was about conkers.

This time I want to try something different. Something that most of us do, I’m guessing.

It’s the way we can project our own experience of the world onto other people or apply it to the rest of the world. We try to shape the world based on our own experiences, thoughts, beliefs and values.

Doing a good NLP Training or reading the right kind of materials can help you cut down a lot of this, but I’m yet to hear see or experience one person who doesn’t to some extent.

So let’s see if I am wrong or right in my ‘Mind Read’ What’s one of them? A Mind Read is an often used NLP term given to instances where a person purports to know the thoughts or feelings of another person, without it having being already made explicit. Often sentences like this will begin something like:

“You’re going to do ‘x’ aren’t you?” or “I know what you’re thinking, you’re feeling ‘y’ today aren’t you?”

So here’s the thing. Yes, we do take in a lot through our eyes, ears and other senses to less concious degrees (the figure kicked around is 2 million bits of information per second). And, while we might often guess other people’s feelings etc. correctly (or think we do)  it’s still not necessarily a statement based on validatable sensory evidence based criteria. Or ‘evidence’ to regular non-pompous people.

Anyway, before I *completely* lose track of this thing, let’s move on. It starts with a story first. The other day I was doing a little shopping for some groceries, and noted the store, (it might have been Waitrose), had stocked a shedload of Christmas biscuits and confectionery (please don’t ask me what I was doing down that aisle), and I did my default response of shaking my head and swearing under my breath, at the commercialism of it all I’m sure you can imagine the kind of thing (Mind read?  – how the hell should I know what you’re capable of imagining?).

That was the experiences for my brain to  note in the back of it, then while walking home from the School run later last last week I had another experience -  this time is was the temperature of the air, a slight breeze, the smell of the day and then *BOOM* I got it. That BIG feeling (or kinaesthetic [Ki+] for you NLP geeks.

Now this feeling, is the same feeling I get every year – though usually a little later on.

So this is the final convoluted reason for this post, this feeling that I’m GUESSING (and hoping it is because it’s a wonderful feeling) that you have at some point in between now and the end of the year, if you haven’t already had it that is.

It’s the ‘Christmas’ feeling.

Was I right? Do you get it too?

Answers on a post card…

Now, here’s the pic that Google gave me based on “Christmas Feelings” – Result: Google FAIL

Christmas Feeling

Today I was inspired to write about Conkers.

Every year at about this time, I am always pleasantly surprised to find them and I never ever get sick of looking feeling, picking up in keeping them as keepsakes.

I like to think of them as one of nature’s little masterpieces. They have such a shiny rich and Mahogany-like veneer to them. You’d think there’d been individually hand carved by a master carpenter. And if we define a carpenter as somebody who works with word that I guess a tree probably falls into that description.

Conkers

I never cease to be amazed by these little fellows. Although they are all roughly the same shape, once you start to scrutinise them, you can see they’re actually quite different. I especially like the ones that, as a boy I would call Cheese Cutter’s. You can see, one of ease, on the right-hand side in about the middle of the page — one side of it is almost flat (it’s actually slightly concave in this particular instance).

I don’t know exactly why they’re called Cheese Cutters, but I probably make something up to make it fit the name at a push.

Today I introduced my son to Conkers. It made me very happy to see him crack open the prickly exteriors to find within a unique & perfectly formed Conker.

Conkers are Autumn.

Just take a few moments to consider each season, and then consider your feelings towards each of them. It might be pertinent to start with Autumn, and then move on to Winter, Spring and, although it’s a long way off summer.

I’m wondering what your initial feeling or reaction is, to each of those Seasons?

Is their excitement, dread present? Did you sigh or growl a little (please tell me I’m not the only one who growls?). Did you feel the slightest flutter in anticipation of fun and happy times?

To me autumn it equals Conkers, and driving in the dusk.

Winter is having the central heating on and walking with my collars up to the wind.

Spring is all about hope and remembering the Sun

Summer, well, that’s hot days spent on a cool and shady trampoline, cold cans of Coke and brain-freeze from gulping too big a mouthful of homemade fruit slush-puppy.

So that’s mine, what are yours?

Can any of them be improved? what would like to change in them if so? What new useful ways might there be to think of one that you weren’t initially looking forward to until now?

While I love positive thinking, we don’t always have to be upbeat and happy all the time, and by the same token, we don’t always have to be sad, down and under pressure all the time.

I know I pursue and enjoy one than the other.

Defining the Season
What is going to be your defining moment in Autumn?

What’s going to be the time where you stick a flag in the sand and be marked in your memory as representing Autumn. When you choose the time, use all your senses pay a lot of attention to your field of vision, take in all the sounds you can hear, how your body feels right at that moment, are you tasting something, what are the smells of that season defining moment?.

If there was one phrase which you used to encapsulate this moment in time, what would it be, and how would you say it to yourself? With energy, with peace? Loudly or quietly?

Make a point of recalling this memory in Winter, and notice what you notice bout it…

Let me know how it goes!

Till next time.

Alan

Number #1 Son started school this week. Having just turned four, he’s at a theoretical disadvantage, due to is brain being anything up to 364 days worth less developed than the ‘average’ child, whatever the hell that is.

I mention this, because anyone with children *must* read Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell. It among many enlightening things, discusses the handicap that children have in being born ‘early’ in their academic year. I found this crushingly depressing, and vowed, like one of the parents in the book, to actively socially cultivate their younglings, encouraging mature decision making, discourse and reasoning  from as early as possible. This happens in the book when a mother is talking through an upcoming visit the child is making to the doctor.

Parents: Buy it, read it, assimilate it and implement it post haste.

Back to my own lad, he’s naturally gifted with good intelligence, reasonable confidence and as Robert Cialdini will tell you in Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion is tall and handsome, so will be well liked at least.

Now to the meat of this post (who says gustatorial linguistics isn’t used outside France)….

During the week I’ve overheard a few things that parents have said which *may* have had an affect on the experience of their children. And it’’s a common NLP tenet, stating your language, in the affirmative.

That is, as Richard Bandler says: “say it the way you want it” because “you can’t do a don’t” – your nervous system must first perceive of the thing first, before crossing it out with a big red X

Let me explain; Incident one was us parents and children walking out of the playground @ the end of the school day. A Dad was holding the hand of his boy, estimated to be around five or six years of age. The boy tripped over his own shoe, flailing his body and free arm, pratfall style but was caught, thankfully, by the strong grip of Dad on the lad’s hand. So far so good right? Well then, clearly in a state of confusion and mild shock (and arguably without at that point in his young life, an automatically rehearsed response) had the following said to him by Dad

“That didn’t hurt, that didn’t hurt”.
The boy then instantly burst into tears at the mental direction suggested by his dad. It’s important to note at this point that the Dad clearly had the best intention by saying this.

Incident two was this morning. Mum waiting at the gates with her 2 gorgeous little children, two brothers, again around five and six years of age. Young boy had fallen and, although he had attempted to brace his fall with his hands, his mouth made contact with the ground first. Ouch. The kid was balling his wee eyes out, poor thing.

It was then that the Mum informed us all

“It always happens when I warn him”

So stop warning him already! Now, I don’t know for sure if it was like I think, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was akin to

“If you don’t get down you’ll fall!” or “You’re going to hurt yourself!”

Well, with commands like that from the person who’s effectively ‘God’ in their lives, is it any wonder that it doesn’t happen?

‘OK Wise-Ass, so what *should* they have said, that might have lead to different outcomes… ?’

In short, I don’t and can’t know for sure, but here’s what I would have said to my own younglings…

Incident one -  when this has happened while the lad is holding my had, in the past I’ve said at that *crucial* point of confusion, where the brain, while not primed is reaching out for anything to latch onto..

“STAND UP!” in an extremely direct command tone. Why? Well, I want to out-shock, and scramble the response to the existing stimulus (the near fall), so that my ‘bark’ takes precedence in his experience (that’s one way how Rapid Hypnotic Inductions work by the way – I’m doing some tonight, so I mention it!). Once this is done, I’ll check him visually and hands-on to discover any damage, if none then I’ll confirm that he’s OK, and then praise the shit out him for being brave, noting how strong he was. This works for me, it may or may not be appropriate for others.

Incident two – Well again, simply barking “Get Down Now!” in my most uber-commanding tonality works *most* of the time. Keeping it simple, not overcomplicating the instruction, but most of all drenching the crap out of the voice with pure intention and command. If it wasn’t quite so dangerous, or earlier on in the incident I might get  in awe/excited about something I’m holding/found/am looking at in order to again, trump the desire to clamber with the desire to find out this Ben 10 ‘alien egg’ I’m holding…

Sneaky, underhanded and downright pragmatic.. just like every parent should be… right?!

Just to finish off, a couple of NLP Legends wrote a stunning book with (among stunningly documented NLP techniques) a great chapter on ‘Parenting Positively’ talking about a useful way to communicate with children, both to praise them, and to depotentiate anything they did that was ‘naughty’. Here’s the book -  it’s a classic.
Heart of the Mind: Engaging Your Inner Power to Change with Neurolinguistic Programming

Oh in closing, be sure to checkout my Interview on BBC Radio here where I talk about NLP, and go to my main site at West Essex Hypnotherapy to sign up for a FREE 30 minute Hypnosis MP3 on Relaxation! Get in!

Enjoy!

Al

P.S. Remember to get in touch for more information about sessions for you as a parent or your children!

Hi gang.

I had a great time training with the awesome KC Johnson at the weekend – who was teaching Rapid & Instant Hypnotic inductions. I love KC’s style – it’s dramatic and often has a physical element – something that appeals to me. The class was well structured and paced, and the fellow delegates, although ranging massively in experience, by the end of the course were all very impressive!checkout the fruits of my labours! KC also specialises in Sports Hypnosis too – another big area I focus on as well.
Checkout one of the inductions I did. It wasn’t particularly rapid, but it sure was fun for all involved!

If you live in Essex, or London and want an experience of Hypnosis -  get in touch!

Best,

Alan